


Touch

by diamondforger



Category: Kamen Rider Kuuga
Genre: Asexual Character, Developing Relationship, M/M, Sex Pollen, without the sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:00:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22720627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondforger/pseuds/diamondforger
Summary: A Grongi attack forces Ichijou and Godai to confront their feelings for each other.
Relationships: Godai Yuusuke/Ichijou Kaoru
Comments: 13
Kudos: 23





	1. Desperation

It was bound to happen.As much as Godai tried to steer fights away from humans, sometimes they got hurt.And Ichijou was around for so many fights.Eventually he was going to get hurt. 

Godai knew this, but that hadn't prepared him to watch a projectile fly into Ichijou's chest.It hadn't prepared him to see his partner's body flying backward and hitting the ground limp as a rag doll. 

The air felt like it had been pulled from his lungs, but there was no time to pause.The Grongi was bearing down on him throwing attack after attack. Godai had no time to look back and check for movement as he struggled not to be hit in the same way. 

It felt like an eternity of dodging around before the Grongi made a mistake.Godai lunged forward landing a solid hit to its chest.It reeled back and immediately turned and started running.As he chased after it, it continued to throw projectiles in its wake. He dodged them easily, but quickly decided it wasn't worth it.Not when Ichijou's body hadn't moved since hitting the ground. 

There was no blood, Godai noted as he reached Ichijou.There was black sludge splashed across his chest and face, but it wasn't blood. 

"Ichijou." Godai pulled the man into his arms."Ichijou, can you hear me?"

He pressed his fingers to Ichijou's throat and felt a wave of relief as he immediately found a steady pulse. 

Ichijou's eyes opened slowly.He looked up at Godai, eyes vacant, mouth moving silently. 

"Ichijou," Godai said, hand moving up to cup Ichijou's cheek, "Are you okay? I can call for a ambulance."

A smile crossed Ichijou's face.He raised a shaky hand to grab Godai's collar.Godai leaned in as Ichijou continued to pull.It seemed like he was on the verge of saying something and then...

They were kissing. For a moment it felt like heaven. Ichijou’s lips were warm and soft and Godai wanted nothing more than to just melt into his arms. He’d been thinking about this exact moment for far longer than he wanted to admit and, god, if Ichijou’s mouth wasn’t even more inviting than he’d anticipated. 

But the moment didn’t last. Ichijou’s grip was getting tighter and he was pulling on Godai’s shirt harder. The kiss was quickly turning rough and desperate and Godai could taste something sickly sweet which he quickly realized was the sludge the Grongi had hit Ichijou with. 

Godai tried to pull back gently but found himself held fast by Ichijou who’s tongue was pressing into his mouth hungrily. 

Something was wrong. Ichijou would never act like this. He would never ignore Godai’s attempts to stop. Not to mention they weren’t that far from civilization. Sure they’d chased the Grongi pretty far into the woods but there was a chance someone could find them like this. 

Godai pushed away, harder this time. Ichijou was strong but he was only human and Godai was able to keep him at arms length with ease. 

“Ichijou, what’s wrong?” 

“I want you,” Ichijou whined. He was staring at Godai, barely seeming to see him.“Godai, I need you.”

Even given the situation the statement made blood rush to Godai crotch. But he ignored it. This was clearly the work of the Grongi, and Ichijou wasn’t in his right mind. 

“We need to get you to a hospital,” Godai said. He placed a hand on Ichijou’s forehead. He seemed warm, but not feverish. Not yet at least. Ichijou pressed against his hand eyes fluttering shut. 

“Godai, please... I need...”

Ichijou lunged forward again, but Godai was able to hold him back. If he’d hadn’t been Kuuga, the attack might have knocked him to the ground. Ichijou wasn’t letting up. He was grabbing desperately at Godai’s arms trying to pull close to him. 

“Ichijou, come on. The Grongi did something to you. You need to snap out of it.”

The attacks stopped as Ichijou froze, staring forward blankly. Godai could see that his pupils were blown and a thin sheen of sweat was covering his face. 

“Grongi?” Ichijou said slowly, “Yes... That’s it.”

“Exactly.” Godai grinned. Ichijou seemed at least somewhat aware. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. “So ambulance?”

Ichijou nodded slowly. “Ambulance... yes.”

It didn’t look like he was about to pull out his phone so Godai tentatively moved closer to reach for the pocket he was almost sure that he’d seen Ichijou pulled his phone from before. 

The movement proved to be a mistake. The second his hand brushed Ichijou’s side, the man latched onto him. Ichijou’s hands tangled in Godai’s hair and he pressed his body against Godai’s. Ichijou smashed their faces together in a frenzy of teeth and tongue. 

It was so much. Ichijou was so hot and so close and Godai was coming dangerously close to giving in, just a little. Would it be so bad, just to kiss Ichijou back? Just to let Ichijou touch him? He’d wanted it so badly and he was almost certain Ichijou wanted it too. 

Godai physically shook his head to try and shake away the thoughts. That was ridiculous. Even without the moral implications there was no way he’d let this be his first experience with Ichijou. He was starting to wonder if the stuff that’d hit Ichijou was also effecting him. It was so hard to focus. And every touch felt like it was lighting his body on fire. 

“Ichijou, you need to focus,” Godai gasped as Ichijou’s mouth moved to his throat. He bit down in a way that was so deeply un-Ichijou, but was also incredibly hot. 

Godai forced himself to focus on finding Ichijou’s phone. The policeman didn’t seem to mind as Godai rooted through his pockets, far more occupied with grinding their hips together. 

Unable to find the phone in Ichijou’s coat, Godai moved to his pants pockets. The struggle had caused Ichijou’s shirt to come untucked and it was sliding up his stomach. Godai’s hands seemed to move of their own accord, sliding up Ichijou’s sides, fingers digging into his back. 

Ichijou was so soft and under his hands and Godai wanted nothing more to give in and tear Ichijou’s clothes off right there in the forest. 

He couldn’t, he reminded himself. He wouldn’t. There was no way he was going to waste his first time with Ichijou in a drugged up haze in the dirt. They were going to get out of there and he was going to show Ichijou a time he deserved. 

If Ichijou was still interested after this stuff wore off. 

Forcing himself to focus again, Godai moved his hands down to Ichijou’s waist relieved to immediately feel the phone in Ichijou’s pocket. He pulled it out, but wasn’t quite able to resist the urge to let his hands linger on Ichijou’s hips. Ichijou was surprisingly built under that bulky coat. 

Godai couldn’t let himself indulge too much though. He pushed Ichijou away again, holding him off with one arm.

Ichijou whined loudly. “Godai, please. Don’t. I need you. I need to touch you.” 

Godai ignored the pleas as he opened the phone. He’d never actually had to use it before, he’d just waited for Ichijou to call whoever they needed. His vision was starting to swim as he squinted at the buttons. 

“Godai, please, I love you.”

Godai froze. Ichijou was still pressing desperately against his arm seemingly unaware of the significance of what he’d just said. 

“You’re drugged, Ichijou,” Godai said, more to himself than Ichijou. Those weren’t Ichijou’s real feelings as much as he wanted it to be true. 

“Not that,” Ichijou insisted, “even before. I’ve wanted you for so long. I’ve just been holding back because it would be unprofessional. But that doesn’t mater now. I love you.”

The arm holding Ichijou back was shaking, but not because of Ichijou’s struggles. 

It would be so easy. Just give in and let Ichijou ravish him. Why wasn’t he just letting it happen? 

Godai forced himself to squint at the phone through the growing haze. He couldn't call for normal backup. Ichijou would be more than humiliated if his coworkers saw him like this. Instead, Godai found Tsubaki’s number and called. 

The second someone picked up Godai interrupted. “Help. Something happened to Ichijou.”

“Godai, please, Go-“ 

Godai covered Ichijou’s mouth with his hand. The detective tried to pull free, clawing roughly at Godai’s arm hard enough the tear his shirt, but Godai held his face steadily, fingers pressing deepinto Ichijou’s jaw. He expected he was leaving bruises, but he couldn’t bear to hear more pleas. 

“Where are you?”

Tsubaki didn’t waste time with unimportant details. Godai was so grateful he was nearly crying as he related their location and as much of the situation as he could. 

He actually did cry when Tsubaki hung up saying he’d be there in twenty minutes. 

Godai dropped the phone and turned to look at Ichijou. 

The man’s movement had slowed, and he seemed even less coherent. 

Godai dropped his hand and the babbling immediately started again.

“Godai, Godai please. Kiss me, please. Touch me, kiss me, fuck me, please Yuusuke. I’ll do anything.”

Goadi grabbed Ichijou by the shoulders, forcing him to turn. Once he was facing to opposite side, Godai pulled Ichijou against his chest, pinning his arms to his sides in an attempt to keep the policeman from injuring himself. 

Everywhere they touched felt like fire and maybe him want more. Made him want it so badly that it hurt.

Ichijou was somewhat placated but the close contact, but he was still trying to twist around and grab at Godai. 

Godai took a deep breath letting himself rest his lips on the back of Ichijou’s neck. The hair at the nape of Ichijou's neck tickled Godai’s lips. He wanted so badly to start pressing kisses against Ichijou’s hairline. 

“Yuusuke, please, I need more.” Ichijou wriggled, jerking back against Godai’s chest. “Please. I’ll do anything. I need you.” 

Godai forced himself to resist the urge to kiss Ichijou’s neck. He didn’t think he’d be able to stop if he started. Instead he closed his eyes and became Kuuga. The armor helped dull the fire, but didn’t stop it. It certainly didn't deter Ichijou’s pleas. Godai sighed and settled in for a long wait doing his best to tune out Ichijou’s begging as it devolved into unintelligible sobbing. 


	2. Starved

Ichijou woke in his bedroom. His whole body ached, his mouth felt swollen and his tongue was as dry as sandpaper. 

He moved to get water only to realize he couldn’t get up. He couldn’t move at all actually. He was held tight by restraints wrapped around his chest and legs. 

His mind was still foggy but the restraints seemed familiar. He’d never been in them before but he’d seen them. Oh yes, they were used by hospitals to hold rowdy patients still. He’d seen a couple of suspects restrained because they kept trying to escape while they were hospitalized. 

But why was he being restrained? And why in his house and not a hospital? 

“Ichijou, can you talk?” 

Tsubaki was standing over Ichijou. He looked exhausted. Not that that was unusual by itself, but him being in Ichijou’s bedroom definitely was. 

“I think so,” Ichijou said. His voice was rough, barely recognizable. 

“Oh thank god.” Tsubaki collapsed into a chair next the bed. Since when had there been a chair there?

“What happened?”

“Grongi attack,” Tsubaki said, “I was worried that the drug wouldn’t wear off until... well it doesn’t matter.”

“Grongi?” 

Ichijou couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember what he’d been doing before he woke up here.

No, the memory was there, but it wasn’t forming right. He could see little details. Pain in his chest, the rocks digging into his back, Godai’s hand digging into his jaw. 

But most of it was missing. 

“Godai can explain better than me,” Tsubaki said. He was nervous now. Why was he nervous? “If you’re okay with that.”

“Of course I am.” What an absurd thing to ask. 

Tsubaki sighed. “You don’t remember anything, do you?”

Dread was starting to knot in Ichijou’s stomach but he pushed it away. Had Godai done something to him? No, that couldn’t be it. 

Pieces of his memory were returning. It was him that had done something to Godai. Dread was being replaced with guilt but he had to push through it. Godai had to be okay, otherwise why would he still be around?

“It’s fuzzy,” Ichijou admitted. 

Tsubaki sighed and got up. He made no move to free Ichijou from the restraints or get him water that he obviously needed. Tsubaki was hardly the master of bedside manner but he was usually better than this. Whatever happened must have really drained him.

He didn’t have too long to think about it though because as Godai entered the room his memory returned like a baseball bat to the face. 

The feeling of Godai’s lips against his and feeling of his chest as they’d pressed together. The heat and desperation. The things he’d said. He couldn’t remember all the desperate pleas that’d come spilling out of his mouth but he remembered that he’d have said anything if it’d convince Godai to touch him. And from what he did remember, he’d been horrifyingly honest.

“Are you okay?” Godai was hovering in and out of the doorway. 

“I’m sorry.” The bindings were feeling especially tight because Ichijou couldn’t cover his face. He could even turn and let his hair hide his embarrassment. 

“It’s not your fault.” Godai crossed the room in a single smooth movement. He knelt by the bed. “It was the Grongi.”

Ichijou knew that. He also knew that the drug hadn’t made him say anything that he hadn’t been thinking. He did want Godai. He’d never been much of one for relationshipsbut Godai has worming his way into his heart with frustrating speed. And he’d never been one for physical desire. Being around Godai so much was starting to change that too. It was a little too shameful for Ichijou’s tastes. It was incredibly unprofessional. Even if it wasn’t inappropriate, the situation was... weird. The Grongi, the belt, it wasn’t exactly a good time to be experimenting with relationships. 

“Why didn’t it effect you?” he asked, desperate to change the subject to anything else but those thoughts. 

“It did.” Godai face flushed. It was cute. Ichijou had never seen Godai legitimatelyembarrassed before. He wished he could have seen it in any other situation. 

“It was just weaker for you,” Ichijou said as Godai looked down at his hands. He could vaguely remember that too. Godai had kissed him back. Not as much as he’d wanted, but the encounter hadn’t been entirely one sided. 

Godai nodded with a tight smile.

There was silence between them for a moment and Godai looked at the restraints. 

“Do you think you’ll be okay if we let you go?”

Another memory hit Ichijou. They’d brought him there to avoid the involvement of innocent hospital staff. He’d woken up a couple times and the last time he’d been lucid enough to convince them to let him go. But then Godai had touched his shoulder and fire had flooded his veins and the next thing he knew he’d knocked Godai to the ground and was trying to tear his shirt off.

“I think... the last time,” Ichijou muttered, you touching me is what set it off.”

Maybe try that again. 

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. He’d already begged to be touched far too much, he wasn’t going to ask Godai again. 

Luckily, Godai got the idea. 

He placed a gentle hand on Ichijou’s forehead. 

It was warm, warmer than the average human, but there was no all consuming fire. It just felt... nice. And Ichijou wanted more of it, but no more than he’d been wanting from Godai. And he’d never admitted that before so he wasn’t about to start now. 

“It’s worn off,” he said quietly. 

Godai took to freeing him, but there wasn’t the normal smile and thumbs up. It was a silly thing to be bothered by, but Ichijou was desperate for any semblance of normalcy.

It occurred to him that he’d become so accustomed to Godai’s reassurances that losing them was enough to make him actively uncomfortable. That felt like a mistake. He didn’t like needing other people. 

Once freed Ichijou immediately got up, stretching and testing for injuries. His arms were only slightly sore, but his right shoulder ached. His jaw was the thing that hurt the most. He could distinctly feel the imprints where Godai’s fingers had been. It was uncomfortable, but overall he seemed to be in one piece. 

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Godai asked. He was shifting from foot to foot, looking at the floor. 

Ichijou did. He wanted to tell Godai that it’d been all a lie. That everything he’d said had been nothing more than drugged rambling.That of course he was a consummate professional that didn’t have an inappropriate intentions. 

He also wanted to tell the truth. He wanted to talk about how badly he wanted to feel Godai’s lips again. How his chest ached at the memory of lying in Godai’s arms. How he’d sat daydreaming of waking up next to Godai when he should have been focusing on work. 

“Later,” he said eventually. He still needed time to process. He’d never really had feelings like this before. Even without all of the supernatural nonsense, it was a lot of process. 

Godai flashed him a thumbs up with tight smile. Even with the tension in Godai’s smile, it made the situation feel significantly less terrible. 

“Let’s get you some food,” Godai said brightly. 

Ichijou let himself be lead to his own kitchen. There was more food there than he remembered. And more dirty dishes. How long had he been out? It seemed like there’d been multiple meals. 

He didn’t have time to ask as Tsubaki descended on him with questions and tests. Godai shooed him away gently which Ichijou was grateful for. It’d be the smart decision to get checked more throughly, but he didn’t have the energy.

And once he started moving he realized just how tired he was. Just moving from the bedroom to the kitchen was enough that he needed to lean on the counter to catch his breath. His knees shook under him and his eyes were heavy. 

As soon as Tsubaki was out of the apartment, Godai was there again, pushing a glass of water into Ichijou’s hands. 

“Do you need to sit?”

In any other scenario, Ichijou would have lied and said he was fine. But now he barely had the energy to do anything but nod. 

Godai moved with inhuman speed to pull up a chair and push Ichijou down into it gently. 

His hands lingered on Ichijou’s shoulder for a moment. Or maybe that was just Ichijou’s imagination. That had to be it. 

As soon as he raised the glass to his lips Ichijou was overtaken by how thirsty he was. He chugged the whole glass down without even thinking about it.

Godai chuckled quietly and pulled the glass out of Ichijou’s hands only to refill and hand it back. 

“How long?” Ichijou asked after downing half of the second glass. The water was welcome but he was now becoming more aware that his stomach was painfully empty. 

“Almost a full day,” Godai said quietly. He was moving around the kitchen, seemingly already familiar with where everything was. Ichijou tried to to dwell on the way that made his chest feel warm. “Tsubaki was about to get an IV for you if you didn’t come down soon.”

”A whole day?” That jolted Ichijou our of his thoughts. He needed to call in immediately. He couldn’t just not show up for work. Especially not with a new Grongi on the loose. Especially not when he knew firsthand how devastating the Grongi’s attack could be.

He struggled to stand, but Godai was there pushing him back into the chair lightly.

“Tsubaki took care of it.”

“You don’t know-“

“Yes, I do.” Godai’s voice was warm. He’d started to relax and a fond smile was playing across his face. 

Ichijou wanted to hate that expression. It was always directed at him when he was being awkward or stubborn, but instead it made him feel warm. It was a pleasant warmth, curling in in his stomach and making his brain feel fuzzy.

“Can you just rest for ten minutes while I make food?”

Ichijou huffed, but he had no interest in actually resisting. He was too tired and watching Godai work was... nice. 

Godai saw right through act, of course. He was smiling for real now as he danced around the kitchen. Literally danced. He was swaying back and forth whistling an upbeat tune as he worked. 

Ichijou knew it was all for show. Godai was just doing it just to amuse him. Despite himself, Ichijou couldn’t deny it was working. He couldn’t to hold back a smile as Godai tapped out a rhythm against the counter. 

Ichijou let himself watch Godai. Normally he tried to be subtle about it, but the man was putting on a show so there was no reason to hide it. 

As he watched, thoughts filled Ichijou’s mind. Thoughts of coming home to see Godai dancing in his kitchen every night. Thoughts of sliding up behind Godai as he leaned over the stove and resting his face on Godai’s shoulder. Thoughts of joining Godai in his dance and spinning around the kitchen with him. 

Those were the thoughts that really bothered him. He imagined lust would have been frustrating to deal with, but manageable. He wasn’t really having those thoughts though. Instead he was hung up on mushy thoughts of romance. It was just embarrassing. He was a grown man, not some lovesick teenage girl.

He was shaken out of those thoughts by Godai presenting him a plate with ridiculous flair. It was a simple meal, vegetable, rice, all very hearty and easy on the stomach. Ichijou shoveled the food down, barely even processing what he was eating. His stomach protested, but he didn’t stop until the plate was clean.

He looked up to see Godai staring at him with a soft smile. The smile made Ichijou's stomach do backflips. Had Godai always looked at him like that? He’d never paid much attention before. 

Ichijou stood, legs feeling much less shaky than before, and moved to the sink. Godai intercepted him before he could reach it. 

“I can take care of it,” he said, hands moving over Ichijou’s as he tried to pull to plate away. 

Godai was close enough that Ichijou could feel the warmth radiating off him. His hands were even warmer as he pried the plates out of Ichijou’s grip.And his lips looked so soft as he smiled warmly. 

Now that Ichijou knew first hand how soft those lips, he desperately wanted to feel them again. 

Godai was looking at him intently as his body moved forward automatically. Ichijou was close enough to feel the heat of Godai’s breath he felt the man hands come up to his shoulders and...

The plate fell to the ground with a loud crash as Godai grabbed Ichijou’s shoulders, holding him upright and at a safe distance. 

“Hey, be careful,” Godai said, “I think you should lie down.”

Oh, Godai had thought he was about to fall. It was a logical assumption. In fact Ichijou's head was spinning and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay upright. 

He wanted to cry. He considered letting himself. Maybe if he cried Godai would hold him. Maybe even stroke his hair until he calmed down. 

But Ichijou resisted. It’d been years since he’d cried in front of anyone and he wasn’t going to start now. 

Ichijou started to turn, planning on walking back to his room but the room was spinning and before he could even take a step forward the ground was rising up to meet him. Godai’s arms wrapped around him again and Ichijou found himself clinging to Godai’s neck as he was lifted off his feet. 

“I’ve got you.” Godai was holding Ichijou like he weighed nothing. “I’ll clean up the mess, you need to sleep.”

“You don’t need to,” Ichijou said as his eyes closed, head flopping onto Godai’s shoulder. He knew it was silly to protest, but he was nothing if not stubborn. Godai laughed and Ichijou could feel the vibrations through his whole body. 

The food was hitting him quickly and he was already starting to loose consciousness as Godai carried him to his bed. 

He sunk into the mattress as blankets covered him. Sleep overtook him quickly but he could have sworn he felt a kiss pressed to his forehead right before he drifted off. No, that was almost certainly a dream. 


	3. Morning

The sun woke Godai as it shone directly in his eyes. He winced as he pulled himself off Ichijou’s incredibly stiff couch. He suspected that Ichijou had never even sat on the horrible piece of furniture before. It seemed like one of the those things a friend had forced him to buy to seem like someone who had people over occasionally. 

Those sorts of things was everything in the apartment. There were extra dishes that had collected an impressive amount of dust in the kitchen, a TV that wasn’t even plugged in, and a large chunk of Ichijou’s wardrobe was years out of fashion but seemingly never worn. 

Godai found it all quite endearing actually, except for the part where he had to sleep on the world’s worst couch for two nights in a row. 

He massaged his sore shoulders as he wandered over to Ichijou’s bedroom. The advantage of the terrible sleepingarrangements had meant he’d woken up every couple hours to make sure Ichijou was still okay and sleeping. 

This time however, the bed was empty and the sheets stripped. He could hear the shower as he approached the room. 

It wasn’t surprising, but a little frustrating. Godai would have preferred if Ichijou had woke him up, but he supposed it made sense. Ichijou probably wanted some time to himself after the chaos of the past few days. 

He turned back and went to the kitchen. Ichijou had somehow already managed to sneak past him to make breakfast. And he’d eaten a lot. They’d already almost blown through the groceries Godai gotten to get them through the come down period. 

Godai settled into making some food for himself when he heard footsteps behind him. He didn’t look up as Ichijou walked into the room. 

“I assume you’re going to try and convince me you’re good enough to go back to work.”

“I’m only going into the office, no patrols,” Ichijou said. 

Godai sighed preparing to launch into an argument about how important recovery was, but as he looked up all the words left his mind. Ichijou was leaning against the counter, coffee mug in hand. And he was shirtless. His hair was soaked, clinging to his forehead and dripping down his chest. 

Godai’s mouth was dry as he watched a drop of water sliding down Ichijou’s neck, leaving a trail over his collarbone and pecs. 

Godai knew Ichijou was attractive, and he’d had plenty of chances to feel his body throughout the past two days, but he hadn’t been prepared to see it. Especially in such a casual way. 

Ichijou was muscular, but in a subtle way that was disguised under a solid layer of softness. And he didn’t even seem to realize how good he looked as he sipped his coffee, eyes focused on the morning’s paper. 

“You’re not planning on fighting me?” 

Godai jolted. He had no idea how long he’d been staring at Ichijou, but the man didn’t seem to mind, if he’d even noticed.

“You should really rest more,” Godai said stiffly. He didn’t know if he could stand to fight Ichijou right now. He was dangerously close to trying to keep Ichijou there by shoving him against a wall and... 

“I just slept for 16 hours,” Ichijou continued, completely oblivious, “That’s plenty of rest.”

Godai forced the inappropriate thoughts out of his head and looked Ichijou over again. He was standing without much trouble, unlike the previous night. But there was the faintest shake in his hands as he raised the mug to his mouth again. There were a couple bruises scattered over his chest and shoulders, but they were surprisingly light. 

He looked... fine.Not great, but functional.

“Okay, but only if you see Tsubaki first and only if he says you’re all good,” Godai said. 

Ichijou nodded and put his coffee down, meeting Godai’s eyes for the first time that morning. A smile crossed his face and Godai could have melted into the ground. Ichijou didn't smile like that often, but when he did he could light up a room. 

“You should get dressed if you want to get checked out before your shift,” Godai said, returning Ichijou's smile with his own. He was loathe to loose the view of Ichijou's smile or his bare chest, but they did need to move. The Grongi was still running around and Godai couldn’t waste all day staring at Ichijou. Even as he noticed how low Ichijou's pant were hanging without a belt. 

Ichijou still seemed completely oblivious to the attention as he quickly went back into the bedroom.It was only a couple minutes before he was ready. His hair was still damp but it’d been combed into it’s usually shape.

As they got into Ichijou's car together, Godai had to resist the urge to ruffle it and knock it out of shape again.Ichijou’s coworkers would probably find it amusing to see him being a little messy, but Godai wasn’t sure when touching was going to be okay again.

Ichijou seemed oddly okay considering what had happened to him. He was obviously worse than he was pretending to be, the question was how worse.Tsubaki was probably a better person to judge that though. He wasn’t directly involved with the attack and Ichijou might even be a little honest with him. 

“I can pay you back for the food,” Ichijou broke the silence as the car started up. 

“It’s not a problem,” Godai said trying not to sound frustrated. He could already feel Ichijou gearing up for an argument. 

“I feel like I owe you and Tsubaki something,” Ichijou said exactly as Godai had predicted. 

“Call it a favor,” Godai said, “I helped you and now if I’m ever in a spot like that you’ll help me.”

“I would do that anyway.”

“Exactly, and that’s why you don’t owe me anything.”

Ichijou huffed, but didn’t offer any argument. His jaw was clenched tight and Godai’s eyes were drawn to marks there. The bruises had only grown darker since the last day. Dread grew in Godai’s chest as he realized how obvious it was that the marks were fingerprints. Would other people at the station realize they were his? So many already questioned which side Kuuga was on and this wouldn’t help. 

“It’s fine, Godai,” Ichijou said. His eyes didn’t stray from the road as he brought a hand up to his chin. “This wasn’t your fault.”

It was true, in a way. Neither of them were really responsible for what the Grongi had done to them, but Godai still felt guilty. He had been mostly okay, he could have held himself back. He could have done better. 

To add to the guilt, he couldn’t stop thinking about taking Ichijou’s face in his hands and kissing the marks.Under the influence of the drug he'd been so certain that Ichijou had wanted everything he wanted, but now doubt was settling in his chest. 

He remembered the first time he'd talked to Tsubaki alone and asked about Ichijou.He'd thought he was being subtle, but Tsubaki had immediately cut him off with a laugh and a sympathetic look.Ichijou had been single for as long as anyone knew him and not for lack of interest.There was, in fact, a lot of interest.Which hadn't surprised Godai in the least, and it hadn't really surprised him that Ichijou had never returned the interest. 

He didn't want to obsess over his doubts and confusion, but there wasn't much else to focus on in the silence of the car.The radio buzzed with activity, but Ichijou ignored it. There didn’t seem to be any more Grongi attacks at least. 

Godai racked his brain for a good story to tell, but everything was coming up blank.He hadn't been at such a loss for words in a long time, and it was deeply uncomfortable. 

They didn't say a word until they reached Tsubaki's office.The second they entered Tsubaki was already annoyed.He pushed Ichijou back towards the door. "Bed rest," he said emphatically, "For at least two more days."

"I'm fine," Ichijou responded, hands grabbing the door frame to keep himself from being pushed out, "And I'm staying in the office."

"Bed. Rest," Tsubaki repeated, he shot a glare at Godai, "Why didn't you stop him?"

Godai opened him mouth to explain, but Ichijou interrupted him. 

"I'm fine, I promise.At least bring me up to date on that Grongi."

"It's been labeled as Unidentified Life Form #24," Tsubaki said sternly, "Good, you're up to date now."

“Did you file a report about my attack?” Ichijou asked, “I should really write something up.”

“I figured you’d want to keep it out of official files,” Tsubaki said. He turned to Godai, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly. “I can write something up but you’d have to justify why you didn’t follow proper procedure and go to the hospital.”

Ichijou shot a glare at Tsubaki, who just smirked in response. 

“Can you just do my check up?”

“My prognosis is that you should get more bed rest,” Tsubaki said without missing a beat, “and don’t even start with ‘I didn’t do any tests.’ I have eyes.” 

Ichijou deflated. It was like all of the energy drained out of him at once, as he leaned on the wall, shoulders slumped.Godai had to respect Tsubaki's ability to convince Ichijou to give up his stubborn facade so quickly. 

“Take him home,” Tsubaki snapped around Godai, “and I better not see him here tomorrow either.”

“He’s not my babysitter,” Ichijou complained. His voice was softer and quieter as he pushed off the wall. “and I’m sure he has better things to do.”

Godai thought about it. He’d already called out of work at Pole Pole and Sawatari didn’t need him for any research at the moment. There wasn’t anything stopping him spending more time to take care of Ichijou. 

“I’m fine with staying with you,” he said, “I’ll help you out and if Kuuga’s needed then they can call you.”

Ichijou was already bristling again, but Tsubaki cut him off."That's a good idea," he fixed Godai with an equally stern look, " _You_ should also be resting unless there's a serious emergency."

There was some truth to that.Godai was incredibly tired, but he blamed the horrid couch for that more than lingering effects of the drug.That was actually the first thing that made him question going back to Ichijou's place.There would be no place for him to nap.

He briefly considered trying to convince Ichijou to come back to his apartment, but he half expected Ichijou would faint at the sight of how messy everything was.Godai's apartment was the exact opposite of Ichijou's with everything lying out in a way that other people found inscrutable but he thought made things easier to find.

Pole Pole wasn’t an option because it was likely to be loud. Maybe there’d be a nice couch around Sawatari’s office 

His thoughts were interrupted by Tsubaki pushing them out of the room with a couple more stern instructions about sleep and food. 

As they headed back to the car, Godai yawned exaggeratedly. “I think I might head home to sleep.”

“Why can’t you sleep at my place?” Ichijou asked. He seemed oddly offended for someone who’d be trying to convince Godai to leave him alone mere minutes ago. 

Godai took a deep breath, scratching the back of his head nervously. “Listen, about the couch...”


	4. Warm

“It’s not that bad,” Ichijou shouted behind him as they entered the apartment. 

He stormed over to the offending piece of furniture. 

Godai followed him with a frustratingly knowing smile. 

Ichijou was sure he was right. Sure, he hadn’t splurged on a cushy couch when he moved into his apartment, but it wasn’t that bad. 

His heart immediately sank the moment he sat down on it. Godai had a point. The couch was not... great. It was stiff, the fabric was scratchy, and he could feel the wooden supports through the barely existent cushioning. Had he even sat on it before? He could have sworn it’d been just a firm couch. But he didn't hang out in the main room that often, he usually just sat at the kitchen table. 

“It’s not... not... _that_ bad,” Ichijou grumbled He refused to make eye contact with Godai but he could see the man’s grin out of the corner of his eye. 

“Alright, you have a point,” Ichijou muttered, “I can sleep here tonight, if you decide to stay.”

“That’s not necessary,” Godai said, “You said you have spare blankets, I’ll just use them as padding.”

“No, I’ve already put you out,” Ichijou said, “I’d be a bad host to make you sleep on the couch again.”

“I feel like we’ve passed that point by now.” Godai was fixing him with that affectionate smile again. 

“Are you going to fault a man for trying?” 

Godai plopped down on the couch next to Ichijou. He was still grinning brightly, barely holding back laughter. Just looking at Godai’s smile made Ichijou want to smile himself. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” Godai said leaning towards Ichijou slightly. There shoulders didn’t quite brush before Godai leaned away, looking down at his lap. 

Ichijou found himself leaning towards Godai for a moment before catching himself. 

He knew they should talk about what happened. He knew he should talk about it because Godai was clearly ready and waiting for him to broach the topic. 

But even thinking about voicing his feelings made Ichijou’s pulse race and his chest feel tight. He was hardly an anxious man, but this was uncharted territory. He didn’t know how he’d handle losing Godai as a friend at this point. It would be terrible to risk losing the last line of defense against the Grongi over a crush. And he could almost convince himself that was the main thing he was afraid of losing. 

“I need to finish doing my laundry,” Ichijou said to distract himself, “You’ll need bed sheets if you’re gonna sleep there tonight.”

Godai rolled his eyes, but didn’t argue. He also didn’t follow Ichijou as he went back into his bedroom. It was a relief to have a moment to collect himself. Even after hanging everything out to dry Ichijou stuck around his room tidying up. In the chaos that had been the aftermath of the attack, things had been knocked over and moved. The other two had done their best to put everything back, but Ichijou was a particular kind of man. It was a relaxing distraction to go around rearranging the stuff on his nightstand and on top of his dresser.

Order, he liked order. Everything had its place and he liked to keep it that way, he thought as he adjusted the position of his alarm clock. 

Except, he really didn’t. If he really wanted order and control he’d never have chased after Godai in the first place. He'd had a thousand opportunities to turn away, but he never even considered it. Hell, if he'd really wanted order he'd never have become a police officer. There was a guilty part of him that loved adventure, risk, uncertainty. 

There was a guilty part of him that loved Godai. No, not loved, he didn’t know Godai well enough to feel comfortable with that word yet. But he was certainly interested, maybe even entranced. He wanted to know more and experience more. 

Even admitting that to himself felt like a giant step forward. He sighed deeply and heard a small cough the the doorway. 

“Any update on when the bed’ll be ready?” Godai was leaning in the doorway eyes half closed as he yawned. 

“It’ll take a bit for the sheets to dry,” Ichijou said. His heart was hammering in his chest again.

He should say something. Say it now. Or maybe not now. Now wasn't the best time. Godai seemed like he was half asleep. But it'd never be the best time. There’d always be an excuse not to. He needed to move before he could chicken out. 

His mouth was dry as he struggled to think of what words to even say. It couldn't really be that hard to just admit that he had feelings. 

His spiraling thoughts were cut off by his phone ringing loudly. He and Godai grabbed for the phone, but Ichijou was faster, for once. 

“This is Ichijou, what’s happening?”

“The Grongi’s back,” Sugita said, “We could use #4’s assistance.”

Godai slid up next to Ichijou, still not touching him, but close enough to listen to the conversation more information was relayed. Ichijou’s heart was still pounding rapidly as he tried to speak as evenly as possible. 

“Thanks, I’ll be right there,” Ichijou said once they had everything they needed. 

For the first time that day, he felt Godai’s hands on him and they were pushing him back onto the bed firmly. 

“You’re resting, I’ll deal with it,” Godai said sternly. 

“What-“

“Tsubaki will absolutely kill me if I bring you along.”

“But-“

“You’re not going.”

“Keys,” Ichijou blurted out, “For when you come back.”

Godai relaxed a bit. “You want me to come back after the fight?” He was smiling, a small blush spreading over his cheeks. 

“Yes,” Ichijou said. It was a small thing to admit but he could hear his pulse pounding in his ears. He distracted himself by getting the spare key from his bedstand. He pressed the key into Godai’s hand, not able to meet his eyes. “I’ll make lunch. You should get going.”

Godai nodded running out of the apartment. 

It was oddly silent in his absence. Ichijou hated not being in the loop. He was tempted to go out and sit in his car just to listen to the radio for updates. 

He forced himself to focus on other things. He could resist the urge to fixate on police work for one day. There were other things to attend to. Like the fact he’d promised Godai food. Ichijou wasn’t good cook, certainly not as good as someone worked at a restaurant, but he’d always managed. 

The kitchen was nearly empty however, so he dragged himself to the grocery store. Some part of him knew he should be planning an actual meal and buying necessary ingredients, but instead he wandered through the store on autopilot getting whatever seemed useful as he ran through ideas for how to admit his feelings for Godai. 

It couldn’t be that hard. He was over complicating it, he he knew it. 

The trip to the store somehow completely drained what little energy he’d regained from sleeping. Recovering was proving to be an incredibly frustrating process, he hated that he wasn't just back to his full self already. 

He forced himself to put the food away before dragging himself to his bedroom. His sheets were mercifully dry, but he barely finished putting the fitted sheet on the bed before collapsing onto it. He just needed a quick nap and then he could see about actually preparing lunch. 

...

There were a lot of feelings that hit Ichijou as soon as he woke up. His stomach was twisting in knots with hunger. His shoulder was screaming in pain. Something warm and heavy was pressed against his back. 

The last one threw him off. It took him a few moments to collect himself enough to realize that the warmth behind him was Godai. The man was fast asleep, breath ticking at the back of Ichijou’s neck, arm wrapped around Ichijou’s chest. 

Common sense told Ichijou he should pull away. This was too close, too intimate. 

But common sense wasn’t the loudest voice in his head. Far louder was the voice saying how warm Godai was and how safe it felt to be wrapped in his arms. Ichijou hadn’t realized how starved he was for human contact until now. The idea of losing the weight of Godai next to him felt near unthinkable. 

But he knew he needed to, and the pain in his shoulder was enough of an incentive to try and wriggle out of Godai’s grip. He was rewarded by Godai’s arms tightening and pulling him closer. 

Ichijou sighed as Godai nuzzled into his neck in a way that made his face feel uncomfortably hot. It would be so easy to just go back to sleep. Godai was still out cold and it would be so easy to pretend he'd been asleep the whole time, to act surprised when they woke up together in the morning. It was so warm. 

Ichijou turned himself around slowly, if only get off his sore shoulder. Before he could get his bearings, Godai pulled him even closer, pressing Ichijou’s head against his chest. 

This situation was even worse, Ichijou thought. And by worse he unfortunately meant better. His ear was pressed against Godai's chest and he could hear Godai’s steady heartbeat and feel his chest rise and fall with each breath. He felt completely surrounded by Godai, like they were all that existed in the world. There was a tightness in Ichijou’s chest but not the same tightness as he’d felt earlier that day. Instead of clammy anxiety it felt like his chest was full, so full of warmth that it was ready to burst. He could have stayed like that forever. 

He couldn’t though. Ichijou took a deep breath and steeled himself to push away from the comfort of his friend’s arms. And then he took another breath. And a couple more for good measure. It really was so warm and so nice. 

Eventually, he convinced himself to push gently at Godai's chest. As soon as he did, Godai twitched against him. 

“That’s not it,” Godai mumbled above him, arms tightening slightly. 

“What?” Ichijou could feel Godai’s heart rate increasing as he twisted his head to look up at the man’s face. Godai had seemed so deep in sleep, had that really been enough to wake him? 

No, Godai still seemed to be asleep. His eyes were still closed but his expression was tense. “Can’t help,” he said twitching again. 

A nightmare. Not surprising. Ichijou had had his fair share of them since all of this started. 

“Not me,” Godai was muttering again. In between incoherent words Ichijou thought he could make out, “Too late,” and, "Stop." Godai's grip on Ichijou loosened as he pulled into himself. 

“It’s okay,” Ichijou tentatively placed a hand on Godai head, “Godai, wake up, it’s okay.”

Godai was still talking but Ichijou could barely make out any words as Godai started shaking. He started stroking Godai’s head whispering words of comfort as Godai gradually quieted.

As the tension drained from his face, Ichijou couldn't help but admire how beautiful Godai was. He looked even more beautiful as his eyes fluttered open slowly. Ichijou didn’t stop running his fingers through Godai’s hair as the man slowly took in his surroundings. 

As things seemed to come back to him, Godai suddenly stiffened again, pulling back. 

“I’m sorry,” he said voice hoarse and stiff, “It’s just you said I could sleep here and I was so tired after the battle and I really didn’t want to sleep on that couch again and I made sure I was sleeping on the other side and facing away from you. I must have rolled over in my sleep.”

Ichijou grabbed Godai’s shirt without thinking, keeping him from retreating any further. “Wait,” he muttered, “You don’t have to... If you want to...”

Godai was looking at him, eyes clouded with exhaustion and confusion. 

The fabric in Ichijou’s hand twisted as he steeled himself. His heart was racing again but he was so close. So close to Godai and so close to what he wanted. All he had to do was say something. 

“Stay, please?” Ichijou said slowly. That wasn’t what he wanted to say, but he couldn’t think of anything else. 

Godai stopped. He still looked barely awake, but he was staring at Ichijou intently. A couple of breaths passed between them as stared at each other in silence. 

Ichijou lifted a hand to Godai’s face, brushing wild hair away from his forehead. Godai didn’t look away as Ichijou’s fingers slid from his forehead to his cheek, hand cupping Godai's face. 

Ichijou leaned forward, guiding Godai’s face to his. When they were barely inch apart he took another breath. Godai's eyes closed and a soft smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. Ichijou's mouth was dry. He knew it was fine, Godai would have pulled away already if he didn't want it, but nerves still clawed at his stomach. He still felt the need to ask, to make sure. 

“Godai, can I kiss you?”


	5. Fear

Godai almost laughed. It still felt like he was dreaming even as he felt Ichijou's breath against his face. He'd thought about this so much, but he'd never quite prepared himself for the reality of it happening. 

The reality of lying next to Ichijou in bed with the man holding his face in his hands. Of Ichijou staring at him with the warmest eyes Godai'd ever seen. The reality of him asking a question with an answer so obvious as to be funny. 

Godai did laugh a little as he nodded emphatically, but not enough that Ichijou would mistake it for mockery. It would have been just as easy to answer the question with a kiss but something made him hold back. He wanted Ichijou to make the first move, to let him set the pace. 

As it turned out, the pace was agonizingly slow. Ichijou started by pressing forward just far enough that there lips were barely touching. Godai shivered at the contact, hand grabbing at Ichijou's shirt. He didn't pull, but Ichijou still slid closer until their chests were pressed together. 

Even when their lips finally met it was still incredibly slow and delicate. Somewhere between timid and teasing, Ichijou seemed more than content with the speed he was going. Godai wrapped his arms around the pulling them even closer together taking his time to enjoy every detail of the way Ichijou's body felt against his. 

It was so starkly different than the first time they kissed and as torturous as it was to move so slow, Godai much preferred this version. Especially when Ichijou smiled against his mouth, letting out a little contented sigh.

Slowly but surely, Ichijou became more and more bold, fingers twisting in Godai's hair. He nipped experimentally at Godai’s bottom lip, and Godai bit back a moan. He didn’t want to push but he was on the edge of trying to take charge. His fingers dug into Ichijou’s back as he pressed their chest together wishing there was less clothing in the way.

The moment was interrupted by the loud growling of Ichijou’s stomach. 

"Ready for dinner?" Godai said, laughing against Ichijou's mouth. The noise made him realize that he was getting hungry too. Fighting always made him ravenous. 

Ichijou laughed in return pressing a quick kiss on Godai’s nose before pulling away. "Sorry I didn't make anything like I promised,” he said as he stretched out on the bed. 

"I like this better." Godai admired the sight of Ichijou's lazy stretches before rolling out of bed to stretch out himself. He was still tired from the fight and he felt gross having slept in his already dirty clothes, "Any chance I could borrow some clothes? And your shower?”

“Of course.” Ichijou immediately jumped up and moved to his dresser. As he handed over some clothes Godai couldn’t resist pulling him in and giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

Ichijou looked away, hand covering his mouth despite it being far too late to hide the way he was grinning or the redness of his cheeks. “I’ll start on lunch,” he muttered, “or is it dinner now?”

Godai didn’t know and he didn't care. He was far more occupied with the temptation to push Ichijou back onto the bed and kiss him silly. 

There’d be time for that later, once they were cleaned and fed. Ichijou was officially going to be on bed rest for another full day and Godai had every intention to use as much of that time as Ichijou was willing to give him. 

But at the moment Godai really did need to feel clean again. In comparison to the warmth of Ichijou's arms, the bathroom felt quiet and cold. As Godai stripped, he couldn't quite explain why his chest was starting to feel tight.

He pushed through it, starting up the shower. The moment he moved under the water, Godai was hit by unpleasant memories. The first time he’d used this shower was while he was still strung out from the attack. As soon as Ichijou had been secured, he'd throw himself into the shower, only barely remembering to take off his clothes. He’d sat under the freezing cold water for what felt like hours, but the heat in his gut had refused to slow until he’d guiltily started touching himself. The walls of the apartment were thin enough that Godai had still been able to hear Ichijou sobbing and begging to be touched. 

He'd felt guilty for getting off to sound of Ichijou in distress, but he'd been too out of it to think of a better solution. It had certainly been preferable to giving into the growing urge to run back into the bedroom and throw himself on the man. 

It'd been wrong though. He'd been pushing the thoughts out of his head because he didn't want to deal with it, but now that he'd let it in it wasn't going away. How could he just go back out and face Ichijou now? Godai wasn't sure he'd be able to look him in the eye without being overwhelmed by even more uncomfortable memories. He wasn't even sure he deserved Ichijou now that he thought about it. Especially after what had happened. He wasn't sure how he'd tricked Ichijou into believing that he was a hero because he wasn't. If he'd been a real hero then...

Godai chest was tight as he shoved his head under the water. He was being irrational, he knew he was being irrational. He wanted to move. He wanted to be out of the shower and back in Ichijou’s arms but his body didn't seem to be listening. He was trapped between the desire to be held and the fear that Ichijou would be able to sense his guilt. 

He was faintly aware that the water around him was getting colder but that didn’t make sense. He’d only be standing there for a couple minutes, there was no way this apartment had so little hot water. The water growing unbearably cold finally overrode his nerves and he dragged himself out of the shower. He found himself shaking as he dried off, but that was to be expected, it was just shivering from the cold water. 

The clothes Ichijou had lent him were just an old t-shirt and gym shorts, both with police department logos on them. They hung loose on Godai, but they were much better than clothes he’d slept in two nights in a row. There was a certain intimacy to wearing Ichijou's old clothes which he was sure he'd enjoy if he wasn't so distracted. 

Being out of the shower felt better, but he still felt shaky as he walked into the kitchen. The sight of Ichijou moving around the kitchen was a nice distraction. He'd also changed into just a t-shirt and shorts which was... strange. It hadn’t ever occurred to Godai that he’d never seen Ichijou dressed down before. It almost felt lewd the way the cotton was hugging Ichijou’s shoulder's and the way his neck was visible without a collar. 

"Is everything okay, Godai?" Ichijou was fidgeting over a bowl. "You were taking such a long time, I was about to go check on you."

"Of course everything's fine," Godai smiled, but he could feel how fake it was, "Did I really take that long?"

Ichijou's brow furrowed and Godai immediately regretted what he'd said. How much time had he wasted feeling sorry for himself? This wasn't like him. Why was this happening now of all times? He was being irrational and he just needed to stop it. There was no need to be bothering Ichijou with this pointless...

"Godai." 

Godai jumped. He'd been too buried in his own thoughts to notice Ichijou approaching. Now Ichijou was standing in front of him, hand resting lightly on Godai's shoulder. 

The shakes were getting worse despite that fact that Godai didn't feel cold anymore. Ichijou's hand felt like it was the only thing keeping Godai grounded as his thought threatened to spiral again. 

"I think I just need to eat," he managed to say. It wasn't a lie. He hadn't slept nearly enough before being woken up by Ichijou and he was hungry. That must be the reason he was acting weird. If the shaking was still around after food, then he would worry. 

Ichijou didn't argue, but he didn't look particularly convinced. "I made ramen," he said pulling Godai into the kitchen, "I didn't do... great with it, but it's edible."

Godai bit back a laugh when he saw what Ichijou meant. "You put too much water in," he said picking the bowl, The noodles were practically mush, but as Ichijou'd said, perfectly edible. "I'd figure you'd have ramen down to a science considering it's seems to be almost all you eat here."

"I was trying something different."

"Trying what?"

"I didn't work, so it doesn't matter."

Godai settled himself at the kitchen table and dug in. It was bland, but he was too hungry to care. He was also too hungry to pay attention to what Ichijou was doing so it caught him off guard when Ichijou cleared his throat. 

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"

Godai stared down at the mushy noodles. His leg started bouncing as he tried his best to hide the tightness building in his chest. 

"Talk about what?"

"The nightmare, or whatever just happened that made you act like this."

"Act like what?" Godai smiled. The warmth of the food was already making him feel better and the shaking was starting to fade. Well, all the shaking except for his leg which was bouncing even more. 

Ichijou didn't seem impressed unfortunately. 

"Godai," Ichijou slid his chair close to Godai, placing a hand on his cheek, "How can I help?"

Godai dropped his smile. He'd almost forgotten about the nightmare. The shock of waking up so close of Ichijou had pushed it from his mind. 

"I have a lot of nightmares," he said, "This one wasn't that different." 

It had been different though. 

He had many nightmares in the last few months. He'd dreamed of failing to save the ones he loved, dreamed of hurting innocents in the fallout of an attack, dreamed of regular people turning on him in fear. 

He'd never been the villain in his own nightmare before. But the latest Grongi had gotten to him. It'd gotten under his skin in an entirely new way. 

"I dreamed that..." he said quietly, still looking down at his food. The meal was only half eaten, but his appetite was gone. "I dreamed that when the Grongi attacked that I was hit just as hard as you were."

"You dreamed about attacking me?" Ichijou asked softly. His hands traced through Godai's hair. It only made Godai feel more upset. He was supposed to be taking care of Ichijou as he recovered, not the other way round. He closed his eyes but all he could see was the fear in dream Ichijou's eyes as Godai had forced him down. Godai was faintly aware he was shaking again, but he couldn't stop. 

"What would have happened if I had?" The words tumbled out of Godai's mouth as he remembered the way the Ichijou in his dream had screamed and begged for him to stop. "You couldn't have fought me off. No one could have fought me off. I would have hurt so many people. I managed to take down the Grongi without getting hit, but what if I hadn't? I don't know what I'd do if I'd hurt people. Ichijou what if I'd hurt you?" Godai glanced over at Ichijou just long enough to notice the bruises on Ichijou's chin again. "What if I'd hurt you more than I already did?"

Ichijou was quiet, and Godai steeled himself for rejection, but Ichijou didn't retreat. Instead he moved even closer, arms wrapping around Godai's shoulders. 

"That didn't happen," Ichijou said, but his voice was quiet, "You didn't hurt anyone. You didn't hurt me." 

"But what if I did?"

Ichijou inhaled sharply and his shoulders stiffened. "You didn't and you won't." The confidence in Ichijou's voice was enough to jolt Godai out of his staring contest with his food. He looked over at Ichijou who was glaring at him with the same frustrated stubbornness that he'd noticed from the very first time they'd met. "You're not going to hurt people," Ichijou said, firmly, "The danger is passed and if it comes up again then we'll find a solution. We'll find a way to restrain you without hurting you." 

It was a nice thought, but Godai wasn't convinced. "But you don't know-"

"I know," Ichijou interrupted him, "that we'll find a way. We've found a way every time so far, there's no reason to think we won't find a solution."

Godai sighed. Ichijou was technically right about that, but he was far from reassured. All it would take was one slip up, one Grongi that was too much and... 

"Godai Yuusuke." 

Godai jumped back to attention just in time to see Ichijou leaning in to press a kiss to his forehead. 

"Finish your food," Ichijou said running his fingers through Godai's hair one last time before backing away. "The Grongi is dealt with, so let's just relax tonight."

Godai nodded and forced himself to continue eating. His appetite hadn't returned, but he was able to finish his meal without any problems. He could hear Ichijou moving around the living room as he ate. The sound of some game show came from the other room proving that Ichijou's TV was more than decoration. 

The shakes had stopped by the time he cleaned his bowl and he wandered over to Ichijou who was arranging blankets on the couch. 

"What are you doing?"

"Making the couch more comfortable," Ichijou replied, "Unless you've decided that it's not actually that bad."

Godai laughed sliding up behind Ichijou, arms wrapping around his waist. "No, it's still pretty bad."

Ichijou huffed halfheartedly as he leaned back into Godai. "Well, I'm going to watch some television here, you can go back to bed if you don't want to join me."

Bed didn't seem like the worst idea, but Godai was much more interested in Ichijou and the way he leaned into every touch. Godai pressed a tentative kiss against Ichijou's neck. "I'm much happier here."

Ichijou was blushing again, red spreading all the way to his ears as he squirmed in Godai's arms. "I'd be much happier sitting," he muttered. 

"Okay." Without letting go, Godai settled himself on the couch, dragging Ichijou down with him. 

The policeman grumbled as he fell into Godai's lap. "You could have warned me."

"I could have," Godai said as he let Ichijou sliding into a more comfortable position. "But it's more fun this way."

Ichijou glared sharply even as he nestled against Godai's side. Even as they both turned their attention to the show playing on the TV, Godai couldn't quite bring himself to focus on it. After all Ichijou was right there and much more interesting than any show. 

Godai found himself touching every inch of Ichijou he could reach, hands running over his arms and across his chest, finger running through his hair. Ichijou melted into the touches, sliding even closer until his head was resting on Godai's chest. 

It was strange to just sit and relax. It was almost stressful in a way, Godai felt like he had to be forgetting something important. Maybe he was forgetting something, but he forced himself to be in the moment. He didn't want to waste his time holding Ichijou thinking only about negatives and fears. He breathed deep and let his eyes fall closed, letting the warmth and weight of Ichijou soothe his frayed nerves. 


	6. Try

Ichijou knew Godai would fall asleep quickly, but it happened even faster than he expected. Within a couple minutes Godai's hands stilled and his breath slowed. 

Ichijou let him stay like that, just for a bit. Godai probably needed the rest, he'd looked so exhausted coming out of the shower. Panic attacks weren't easy to deal with in the best of cases and Godai, who'd have thought Godai would be the type to have them. Well, anyone aware of just how stressful it was to be Kuuga could probably guess. But that was all the more reason Godai deserved a break. 

And it was nice, just lying there, nothing pressing to do as he watched the game show he'd randomly put on. That wasn't true, there were pressing things to do. The kitchen needed to be cleaned and Ichijou hadn't even finished putting away his laundry. Not to mention he should probably move Godai to the bed if he was going to sleep. The way Godai's head was flopped to the side wouldn't be comfortable to wake up to. 

Godai didn't stir when Ichijou slid out of his arms. For a moment Ichijou considered just carrying him to the bedroom, but it seemed foolish. Ichijou was hardly weak, he knew he could hold the weight, but if Godai woke up and started moving, Ichijou didn't want to accidentally drop his new... whatever Godai was, the same day they got together. 

What was Godai now? Everything had moved so quickly, felt so natural in the moment, Ichijou hadn't even thought about what it all meant. It had felt natural in a way he'd never felt before. Physical contact had always been uncomfortable for Ichijou not because he didn't like it, but because there always seemed to be so many rules. Rules that were completely different for each person, rules he didn't have the patience to learn. This was different. He was willing to at least try when it came to Godai. 

That was for later, now what mattered was getting Godai into a real bed. 

Godai didn't respond to the gentle shake Ichijou gave him. Or to his name being called. Or to Ichijou tapping his face. 

Ichijou was halfway to going back to the plan of carrying Godai to the bedroom when his shaking finally worked. 

"I was paying attention," he said before yawning and looking around blearily. 

Ichijou bit back a laugh. "I think it's time to go to the bedroom."

That seemed to wake up Godai a bit. He pulled himself up, hands coming to Ichijou's hips. 

"Together?"

Ichijou didn't want to sleep anymore, but he was more than happy to spend more time in Godai's arms. Also, Godai was probably going to fall asleep right after hitting the bed anyways. 

"Yes."

Godai grabbed him by the hand, grinning ear to ear as he lead Ichijou to the bedroom. 

There was a strange energy in the moment that Ichijou couldn't quite pin down until they reached the bed and Godai was on him. It was nothing like the kisses from earlier. The calm and gentleness had been replaced by intensity and heat. It wasn't bad, but it was overwhelming. Godai's hands were tangled in Ichijou's hair while his tongue pressed into his mouth. 

Ichijou had never been kissed like that before, at least not when he'd been in his right mind. There hadn't been any room for hesitation when he'd been wrestling Godai in the aftermath of the attack. Now he didn't know what to do, how to respond, where to put his hands. He ended up just holding Godai as he let the man lead their kiss. 

But it didn't stop there. Godai was gently pushing Ichijou back onto the bed. Ichijou let himself fall back, as Godai climbed on top of him, straddling Ichijou as his hands slid from the man's hair to his chest. 

Ichijou squirmed. It was nice, it really was. He liked the feeling of their chests pressed together and the warmth of Godai's hands. He was even adjusting to kiss, figuring out how to match Godai's rhythm. But it was a lot. It was a lot all at once and it was quickly getting to be too much. 

He just needed a moment to slow down and collect himself. 

"G-Godai, could you-"

Godai's hand had slipped down to Ichijou's hip, teasing inwards and Ichijou froze. He hadn't even thought this far. Which was strange. This whole thing had started because that monster had made him beg for sex. He should have anticipated... 

"Ichijou, what's wrong?" Godai backed off almost instantly, coming to a sitting position next to Ichijou. "Did misread the situation?"

Ichijou felt his face burn as he realized his mistake. Of course Godai would have taken going to bed to mean sex. That was usually what that meant. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you," Ichijou said with what he hoped was a casual smile. His heart was thundering in his chest and his whole body felt hot. 

"Don't apologize." Godai was wide awake now, gaze focused intently on Ichijou, "I don't want to do anything you don't want."

"I don't..." Ichijou sat up, pulling his knees to his chest, "I don't know what I want."

"That's fine." Godai seemed entirely unfazed by the whole situation. Which shouldn't have been surprising, but Ichjiou felt a deep sense of relief. He'd been steeling himself for rejection without realizing it. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ichijou took a moment to think before nodding slowly. "Yeah, actually, I think I do. We really should talk"

"Okay, let's get some coffee," Godai said with a smile, already climbing off the bed and moving out the door. 

"Isn't it a little late for that?" Ichijou said as he followed. 

"You don't have to drink any," Godai said, "but it'll help me think." 

Ichijou nodded and silently started making the coffee. It was a nice distraction while he thought. Godai was right behind him in the kitchen, cleaning up the leftovers from dinner. 

But his thoughts were too scattered to come to any useful conclusion as by the time the coffee was made and the kitchen was clean. 

Eventually, there was nothing to distract from the silence in the room. Godai settled in one of the chairs, sipping his drink as he looked up at Ichijou. 

Ichijou was far too nervous to sit, much more content to pace, hands running idly over the kitchen counter. 

"You don't have much experience with relationships, do you?" Godai broke the silence. 

Ichijou looked away, already fidgeting. "Not since high school... it didn't go well."

"Oh?" 

Ichijou shook his head. It wasn't important. He'd started a relationship because it was what he supposed to do and a couple months in she'd gotten furious. She'd said "nothing was happening" in their relationship and broken up with him, very publicly. The worst part was all he'd felt after it was over was relief. 

'It doesn't really matter," he said with a sigh, "And this is different."

"I guess it is." Godai bit back a laugh. "In a lot of ways."

"That's true." There wasn't really anything that compared to this situation. "I've never had any interest in sex before. I mean I just didn't think much about it unless other people brought it up."

"That's not so unusual," Godai said, "Not as unusual as people make it out to be anyways. But, if you don't mind me asking, were you ever curious? Or just completely disinterested?"

"I guess I was always a bit curious," Ichijou picked at a bit of dirt stuck on the counter, "but not enough to bother trying anything. Seemed like too much of a hassle."

"Has that changed?" Godai was trying to look calm, but he couldn't seem to stop fidgeting with his cup. "Is this too much of a hassle?"

"No," Ichijou answered without thinking. He paused as Godai nodded, smiling in a way that made Ichijou's chest feel warm. "But... I'm not sure what this is."

"Hmm, that's a good point." Godai leaned back in his chair, hands running through his hair. "I've never cared much for labels, but you seem like the type that appreciates them."

"I... I like to know where I stand." Ichijou muttered. "The label doesn't matter as much as the... rules, the boundaries."

"Do you want other people to know?" 

The breath caught in Ichijou's throat. He definitely hadn't thought of that. He shook his head quickly. "Not yet," he said, already feeling guilt creep into his stomach, "I just... I don't like to talk about personal things at work."

"You don't have to justify it," Godai said, "My sister knows about less than half the partners I've had because they weren't worth telling her about."

"Have you had a lot?" The question spilled out of Ichijou's mouth without thinking about it. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the actual answer. He was already feeling uncomfortably out of his depth and, hearing just how much experience Godai had couldn't help. 

"A few," Godai said, waving his hand dismissively, " But to be honest, I've never settled anywhere long enough for a relationship like this before."

That made Ichijou feel better, feel like he was on more even ground with Godai. "So this is a relationship," he said, feeling his face heat up a bit, "Would it still be even if..."

He couldn't quite bring himself to say it. Relationships included sex, that's how it went. Sure, what had been happening so far had been good, but he wasn't sure how much farther he actually wanted to take it. 

"We don't have to have sex." Godai was finished with his coffee and he stood moving to lean on the counter next to Ichijou. "If that's what you're asking. I..." Godai looked away with a guilty smile, "I certainly wouldn't say no, if you did... want to. He quickly switched back to a serious expression, making firm eye contact with Ichijou, "but it's really not necessary."

"I don't know," Ichijou said. Now that the topic was brought up, it was a hard thing to stop thinking about. He was curious, curious in a way he'd never really been before. Just begin given the option to say no, to back away, made him more willing to at least test the new waters he was in. 

"I... think I might," Ichijou said, unable to hold Godai's gaze. It was horribly embarrassing to say even if he'd already said worse to get himself into this situation. "I mean I might want to... try."

"Is there something in specific you want to try?"

Ichijou fidgeted. He didn't like this, not knowing anything. He was a proud man and it was hard to admit his own ignorance. 

"There is one thing I've noticed." Godai slid closer to Ichijou, a playful smile on his lips. "You're neck is pretty sensitive, isn't it?"

"I-I guess." Ichijou had never given it much thought, but it was certainly ticklish. 

"May I?" Godai leaned in close, tucking his head under Ichijou's chin. 

Ichijou nodded, breath catching in his throat as Godai's lips brushed against his neck. Godai grinned before pressing kisses against Ichijou's jaw and trailing down his neck. 

Ichijou bit his lip trying the stop a whimper. His neck really was sensitive. Godai had barely touched it, and he was already on the verge of falling apart. It was difficult to stay quiet when Godai's tongue teased his pulse point. 

Ichijou's restraint melted as Godai's teeth scraped against his skin, mouth falling open as he moaned. 

"Back to bed?" Godai asked, face still buried in Ichijou's neck. 

"Definitely." Ichijou said, already grabbing Godai and pulling him towards the the bedroom. 

Ichijou's heart was racing as he let Godai push him down onto the bed again, but this time with anticipation rather than nerves.

Godai’s hand immediately slid under Ichijou’s shirt, fingers ghosting over his stomach. Ichijou arched into the touch, breath hitching as he buried his face in Godai’s shoulder. 

“Can I take it off?” Godai whispered as his hands slid farther up Ichijou chest, pulling the shirt up slowly. 

Ichijou nodded, wasting no time in pulling it over his head. He tossed it off the bed and turned back to find Godai was looking up at him with an expression Ichijou had never seen before. His eyes were dark and almost hungry as they looked Ichijou up and down like he was... god, Ichijou couldn't even describe it. No one had ever looked at him like that before and it stirred something in his chest. 

In an attempt to distract from the intense look, Ichijou reached down and pulled at Godai's shirt. "If I have to be shirtless, so do you."

Godai laughed as he let his shirt be pulled off before grabbing Ichijou again, pressing kisses against his neck and down his shoulder. 

It was a lot of new sensations to take in at once and Ichijou quickly gave up on any pretense of composure as he threw he head back to give Godai more access to his neck. He wanted to tell Godai to keep going, to ask for more, but the sounds jumbled in his mouth and came out incomprehensible. In any other situation, he'd find being unable to even form words embarrassing, but he could feel the way Godai's breath hitched as he struggled for words. 

After a few minutes, Godai's mouth moved up to tease Ichijou's ear, which was also, as it turned out, very sensitive. "Do you want me to bite? I'll make sure any marks will be hidden by your collar."

Common sense said it was a bad idea, a risk if they wanted to keep this hidden. But common sense had been long since thrown out the window. Ichijou nodded. "Yes... please."

Ichijou gasped, back arching, as Godai's teeth teased his skin, at first gently, but growing rougher as he gauged Ichijou's reactions. The pressure stopped just short of actual pain, which Ichijou was grateful for. He was already reaching his limit for new sensations, but he didn't want to stop just yet. 

Ichijou moved his hands to Godai's back, savoring the feeling of Godai's surprisingly soft skin under his fingers. Godai hummed with appreciation as Ichijou began exploring his back nervously. He always forgot how small Godai was. The man was so strong, but his frame was lean. It felt strange how easy it was to wrap himself around Godai and hold him tight. 

"Do you want more?" Godai asked as he pressed into Ichijou's touches. His voice was calm, but his breath was uneven against Ichijou's neck. 

Ichijou wasn't as sure this time, but he still nodded. He'd already come this far, he wanted to see what Godai wanted to try next. 

Godai's hands slid over Ichijou's chest, touches just light enough to make Ichijou twitch up, wanting more. Especially when Godai's hands moved up his chest, fingers ghosting past his nipples with just enough contact that Ichijou knew he wanted more. 

"Please... Godai," he manged to say, hands digging into Godai's back. 

Godai sucked in a deep breath as his touches became bolder. He was still not quite giving Ichijou what he wanted, only the shortest of touches as his hands explored everywhere except where Ichijou wanted to be touched. 

Ichijou was practically shaking by the time Godai finally gave him what he wanted. He pinched Ichijou nipples, tugging at them teasingly as he continued pressing kisses to the man's neck. 

Ichijou writhed under the touch. It made his body feel hot and his breath catch and it... was too much. He wished he could enjoy getting exactly what he asked for, but it was overwhelming. He was shaking from the stimulation, no in a pleasant way.

"Wait." 

Godai stopped immediately, propping himself up on his elbows to look down at Ichijou. "Too much?"

Ichijou nodded wordlessly. His pulse was pounding and his whole body felt like a live wire. He was hard, but had no interest in dealing with that at the moment. He just needed to take a moment and calm down. 

"Want me to stay?" 

Ichijou nodded again. Now that he was calmer he could get a proper look at Godai. His face was flushed and his lips red and wet. He didn't look the slightest bit upset at having being cut off, quite the opposite. His eyes were dark and he looked incredibly pleased. He slid off Ichijou, nestling against his side. 

"It seemed like you were enjoying yourself," he said, running his fingers lazily over Ichijou's still sensitive chest. 

"I... yeah," Ichijou admitted turning to come face-to-face with Godai. 

He trailed a hand down Godai's side, moving from his ribs to the spot where the belt lay, just under the skin. He looked down at his hand only to find himself distracted. 

"It seems like you were enjoying yourself just as much as I was."

Godai's face turned red as he scrambled to adjust himself in his shorts. "I... look. You... you were making a lot of really... nice noises."

Ichijou reached out without thinking, his hand brushing away Godai's. He teased Godai's erection through his shorts barely biting back a grin. Godai had somehow gotten even harder than he had during all that. It was... flattering. 

"You don't have to..." Godai said, even as his hip bucked into the touch. "I can just deal with it myself."

"I'm not doing anything I don't want to," Ichijou said, cupping Godai's face in his other hand. 

Godai's eyes were screwed shut and he bit his lip as Ichijou started getting bolder in his touches. He'd never been overly interested in masturbation, but he'd done it enough that this was familiar territory. 

What wasn't familiar was just how responsive Godai was to every brush of Ichijou's fingers. For the first time in his life, Ichijou felt like he really understood why some people were obsessed about sex. Having someone fall apart completely under you, it was enthralling. He watch Godai's face, enraptured by every expression. 

"Ichijou... more," Godai whimpered. 

Ichijou was more than happy to give him that. He slid his hand into the shorts as he pressed his face to Godai's neck. Godai hand came to his own mouth, biting down as he started whimpering. 

"That's not fair, Godai," Ichijou went to tease Godai's ear with his mouth just like Godai had done to him, "You got to hear all the embarrassing noises I made."

Godai whined weakly, but removed his hand. Ichjiou went back to kissing Godai's neck as he wrapped his hand around Godai's shaft, pushing the shorts down just as far as he needed to work. 

"You're so good," Godai was moaning as he grabbed Ichijou, rocking against him, "Ple-please don't stop, Ichijou."

Ichijou sped up and was rewarded by Godai's cries becoming even more desperate. When he could feel Godai starting to tense, Ichijou trailed his kisses back up Godai's jaw and to his mouth. 

"I... I'm... Ichijou, I'm so close."

Ichijou continued kissing Godai as his mumbling trailed off and he stiffened, cock pulsing in Ichijou's hand. 

It was exhilarating to feel Godai's twitch before going limp, against Ichijou's chest. 

"Ichijou..." Godai whispered against his lips as his breath evened out, "Thank you. That was... you're incredible."

They lay like that for a couple moments, just kissing slowly, before Ichijou moved to clean them. Godai was barely able to keep his eyes open as he grinned up at Ichijou. 

"I guess it's really time to sleep now," he said, arms flopping open, "Come here."

Ichijou did. His body was still warm and high-keyed from everything that happened, but it was late and Godai was soft. 

As he settled into Godai's arms, he could help but think of all the daydreams he'd had of sleeping them sleeping together, and how reality had an odd tendency to turn out even better. 


End file.
